You think you get over things. You think you forget. But the first four seconds of this commercial for Gaylord — a terrifying canine automaton from the 1950's ("He comes with a bone of his own," the announcer informs us. Indeed?) — drew me into a nightmarish re-enactment of the persecution I had to endure every day as I minced around my kindergarten playground. "Gaylord! Gaylord!" the purple-faced goblins of my peer group would cry. Then they descended upon me, a sticky horde that would only stop pinching and poking until I burst into tears and loudly disavowed any spiritual affinity with Care Bears and unicorns. It was terrible, but twenty five years later, I do this same thing to Joel when he comes into the office in the morning. What have I become?

Vintage Gaylord commercial [YouTube]